This Easter I learned to internalize the idea that God provides.
I’m a planner who likes to be in control by nature.
That’s just who I am.
But I have been trying to become more laid-back as our children get older in a roll-with-the-punches, don’t-freak-out-about-small-setbacks kind of way.
The Friday before Easter I took our newest used car in for it’s first oil change since we bought it a few months ago. An oil change turned into needing new front brakes, a repair we were guessing would be needed, and a diagnosis of needing new struts by the end of summer, a costly repair we were not anticipating. An hour later we found out our calipers siezed and needed to be replaced which doubled our anticipated repair. Another hour later and that number doubled again when we found out brake fluid was only going to two brakes.
Not going to lie, I had a nice little sobbing meltdown in our kitchen. Poor Baby A was so confused and upset. Going from a suspected few hundred to over a thousand was a huge difference, especially when we are in debt-payoff/house-buying mode.
But I prayed and I watched my children and I dug deep to search for how I want them to handle this kind of situation when they’re adults.
I would want them to be resilient and problem solvers and know how to make it work.
So I prayed for peace and surrender and I told God I loved Him and I knew he had great plans for our family and I was just going to accept He knew what He was doing and this was all part of it.
I also decided I was going to forgive all the grudges against Husband I had been clinging to. You know, the ones that make is quick to anger and blame and slow to patience and understanding.
I haven’t been this happy or content in a very long time.
While I still stress, I’m not relying on myself to fix everything on my own. I’m trusting Husband more, stepping back and not trying to make every decision myself.
But more importantly I’m trusting God’s hand in all this and relaxing in the faith and knowledge that He knows and wants what is best for us.
Easter morning, on our way to my in-laws, the check engine light of our second car turned on. A $400 repair.
We were blessed with a good tax return this year. It was supposed to all go to paying off credit cards so we can start saving up for a down payment on our first house. I’m very sad and frustrated that’s not happening now. But I’m letting it go and trusting there is a reason.
And I’m thanking God that my children and I were safe in the car with only two working brakes through a Michigan winter, and that we live close to family who were able to help us get our cars where they needed to be and get our kids home safely.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
I’m finding that accepting God’s part in my daily life, surrendering, I’m much better able to handle these setbacks.
I’m focused on His plan instead of mine.
I’m realizing the reason I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed is because I’d forgotten I can’t do these things on my own.
Christ has risen. He is risen. And He love us dearly and only wants the best for us. And that includes not worrying so much.
“yet I love, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20
My word for the year was expectations. I’m adding surrender to that. Surrender to God’s will and enjoy the peace and grace that come with it.